Golf Jokes - The True Rules of Golf (Part 2)

The True Rules of Golf Part 2

• The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a
  straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
• There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the
  way you meant to play it.
• You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch
  90% of the time.
• Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
• If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
• To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap. Example: backswing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing 600 mph.
• There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top
  and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
• Hazards attract. Fairways repel.
• You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
• A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
• If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is the one in
  the bunker
• If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
• Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.